Forgiveness…learning to let it go.

Sometimes when we have been badly hurt and let down, we feel as though we want to lash out, blame and accuse those who we feel have done us wrong. Feelings are those of anger, frustration and pain. ‘Why me?’ Holding a grudge is not going to make everything better. It doesn’t justify anything. Will it make you happy? Not a chance! Anger and bitterness only serves to make you unhappy, twisted and miserable.

Who needs that?

It is so much simpler to allow yourself to see the truth…it is not your problem! The only thing that is your responsibility is how you choose to react to the experience. That is within your power and control.

It may feel like you have acquired some strength momentarily but it is actually a thief of what energy you have. The ego feels good for a moment (albeit briefly). If I feel angry and upset, I feel so distracted. I cannot concentrate on anything and I am not living in the present moment. I might as well stay in bed for the good I feel I am to anyone when I’m in such a state! Chocolate, angry music and punching pillows for me… oh wait no..that’s p.m.t 😉

Why is letting it all go so difficult sometimes especially when you feel someone has done you a wrong? You naturally want to feel that wrong righted and no matter how angry you feel, it is justified in your mind somehow. Playing over the events, the words spoken, what you said, what they said, what you would love to say had you the chance to go back…what would be the most hurtful thing to do and say in order to make them feel the pain you have felt?

All of this mulling and brooding is actually causing you pain. Nobody else is being affected. Your own mind is actually crucifying you slowly. Yes, perhaps you have been betrayed. Perhaps someone did something very bad to you and yes, you feel pain. Of course you would. It is only natural to feel upset to a point – you do have a choice though and that is what we can all forget.

‘Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out!’ (Robert Tew).

Don’t let someone mess with your mind and your feelings. You are in control at all times and can decide how you deal with everything. We give and abuser power when we allow them ‘in’ as it were, into our personal space. As soon as that happens, we not only lose a sense of perspective but we also lose ourselves eventually. Emotion takes over completely and before we know it, we are reacting to emotions that have no grounding in the true reality of things.

It isn’t actually your pain you are feeling though. It is their own pain and negative emotional state you are seeing reflected right back at you. Whether we choose to react to and continue that cycle of pain in our own mind is our choice alone.

When someone treats you badly, it is a reflection on how they have behaved. You may feel that person deserved punishment for what they have done. If they seem to get away with everything, it only seems to make everything worse. We are not judge and jury though. (Even though sometimes we feel we should and wish we could be, it is not our place).

Do people really get their karma in the end? They do. It isn’t a desire to see them suffer in turn. I personally want to see those who have caused me pain learn and eventually understand why their actions have caused so much disharmony. I don’t like to think of anyone suffering. They have a chance to grow in their experience of pain. It isn’t about watching another person suffer and enjoying the fact that they are. Far from it…

It is hoping that someday, that individual will see the error of their ways and karma is a transformative vehicle for that change. It may take a very long time (perhaps another lifetime even if you believe in reincarnation) but time is a matter of perspective only….from my experience, things happen when they are meant to do so.

Have faith in natural justice. We are all learning. What goes around, comes around…for all of us.

© Christina McDonald 2014

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